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Affective Communication
Effective communication is an important characteristic of strong, healthy families. Research identifies communication as an essential building block of strong marital, parent-child, and sibling relationships.
Family communication is the way verbal and non-verbal information is exchanged between family members (Epstein et al.,1993).
Affectivecommunication refers to how individual family members share their emotions
Family communication refers to the way verbal and non-verbal information is exchanged between family members (Epstein, Bishop, Ryan, Miller, & Keitner, (1993). Communication involves the ability to pay attention to what others are thinking and feeling. In other words, an important part of communication is not just talking, but listening to what others have to say.
Communication within the family is extremely important because it enables members to express their needs, wants, and concerns to each other. Open and honest communication creates an atmosphere that allows family members to express their differences as well as love and admiration for one another. It is through communication that family members are able to resolve the unavoidable problems that arise in all families.
Just as effective communication is almost always found in strong, healthy families, poor communication is usually found in unhealthy family relationships. Marriage and family therapists often report that poor communication is a common complaint of families who are having difficulties. Poor communication is unclear and indirect. It can lead to numerous family problems, including excessive family conflict, ineffective problem solving, lack of intimacy, and weak emotional bonding.
Instrumental and Affective Communication
Communication can be divided into two different areas: instrumental and affective. Instrumental communication is the exchange of factual information that enables individuals to fulfil common family functions (e.g., telling a child that he/she will be picked up from school at a specific time and location). Affective communication is the way individual family members share their emotions with one another (e.g., sadness, anger, joy).
Some families function extremely well with instrumental communication, yet have great difficulty with affective communication. Healthy families are able to communicate well in both areas.
Affective communication refers to how individual family members share their emotions with one another.
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A “friendly” argument between two children can be affective communication. |
Affective communication is the process through which people express feelings about things, themselves, and others. Expressions of positive and negative feelings about places, objects, events, policies, and ideas are called opinions. Expressions of feelings about oneself are known as self-disclosures. Expression of both positive and negative feelings about others is vital to maintaining close relationships. Expressions of positive feelings let friends and loved ones know that they are valued. Expressions of negative feelings serve as a safety valve in a relationship.
Affective communication also contributes to the formation of self-concept—what one thinks of oneself. Through affective exchanges children form opinions about themselves. As students attend school, interactions with teachers and other students continue to influence their self-concepts. |
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Affective communication can be through a tearful child showing great unhappiness. |
| Affective communication is of major importance throughout life. Employers value employees who get along well with other people, who take criticism well, and who are open and honest in their relationships with others. Affective communication is also important to a happy family life. Psychologists and family therapists stress the importance of open communication in the home. Members of supportive families feel free to talk about positive feelings of love, joy, and appreciation as well as negative feelings of anger, fear, and disappointment. |
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A teacher mentoring a class of students is a specialized and personal type of communication. |
Affective communication skills are of central importance in certain careers. Psychologists, psychiatrists, therapists, physicians, and nurses all need to see the world from the perspective of their patients. But affective communication skills are equally important to most others, including teachers, judges, police officers, religious leaders, school principals, and bank tellers.
IDEAS FOR FAMILIES ON HOW TO BUILD EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION
There are many things that families can do to become more effective communicators and in turn to improve the quality of their relationships. Families can improve their communication skills by following some suggestions for building effective family communication.
One of the most difficult challenges facing families today is finding time to spend together. With our busy schedules, it is difficult to find sufficient time to spend with one another in meaningful conversation. It is extremely important for families to make time to communicate. Talk in the car; turn the TV off and eat dinner together; schedule informal or formal family meetings to talk about important issues that affect your family; and talk to your children at bedtime. There are many creative ways to make time to communicate with other family members.
- Communicate Clearly and Directly
Healthy families communicate their thoughts and feelings in a clear and direct manner. This is especially important when attempting to resolve problems that arise between family members (e.g., spouse, parent-child). Indirect and vague communication will not only fail to resolve problems, but will also contribute to a lack of intimacy and emotional bonding between family members.
An essential aspect of effective communication is listening to what others are saying. Being an active listener involves trying your best to understand the point of view of the other person. Whether you are listening to a spouse or a child, it is important to pay close attention to their verbal and non-verbal messages. As an active listener, you must acknowledge and respect the other person's perspective. For example, when listening to a spouse or child, you should nod your head or say, "I understand," which conveys to the other person that you care about what he or she has to say. Another aspect of active listening is seeking clarification if you do not understand the other family member. This can be done by simply asking, "What did you mean when you said..?" or "Did I understand you correctly?"
- Think About the Person With Whom You Are Communicating
Not all family members communicate in the same manner or at the same level. This is especially true of young children. When communicating with young children, it is important for adults to listen carefully to what the children are saying without making unwarranted assumptions. It is also important to take into consideration the ages and maturity levels of children. Parents cannot communicate with children in the same way that they communicate with their spouse because the child may not be old enough to understand.
- Pay Attention to Non-Verbal Messages
In addition to carefully listening to what is being said, effective communicators also pay close attention to the non-verbal behaviours of other family members. For example, a spouse or child may say something verbally, but their facial expressions or body language may be telling you something completely different. In cases such as these, it is important to find out how the person is really feeling.
While it is often necessary to address problems between family members, or to deal with negative situations, effective communication is primarily positive. Marital and family researchers have discovered that unhappy family relationships are often the result of negative communication patterns (e.g., criticism, contempt, defensiveness). Find strengths in your child and concentrate on those. Try and have 10 positive comments for every 1 piece of criticism.
References
Epstein, N. B. Bishop, D., Ryan, C., Miller, & Keitner, G., (1993). The McMaster Model View of Healthy Family Functioning. In Froma Walsh (Eds.), Normal Family Processes (pp. 138-160). The Guilford Press: New York/London. |
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